tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-459873339663141424.post6282501711362854661..comments2023-11-30T07:38:47.742-08:00Comments on William Quincy Belle: Two-thirds of divorces are filed by womenWilliam Quincy Bellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14337095766556949027noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-459873339663141424.post-51049074877028133752012-05-17T13:36:16.596-07:002012-05-17T13:36:16.596-07:00As a woman who initiated divorce, this rings true ...As a woman who initiated divorce, this rings true for me. I believe that my husband fell out of love with me years ago, and that though I was the one who ultimately said it was over, he was the one who stopped trying, years before, to make our marriage successful, and the one who ultimately quit first. I was the one who begged for counseling, I was the one who bought (and read) books, I was the one initiating sex and planning dates and attempting to salvage our romance...but when he wouldn't (or couldn't) work at it, I didn't feel like there was anything left for me to do but leave. Ironically, though every sign pointed to him no longer enjoying our marriage, I believe that he is suffering much more than I am now that it is over.<br /><br />I spent years being heartbroken and lonely in our marriage, wondering what part of myself was so lacking that he no longer treated me with love, kindness, and respect; I tried everything I knew to fix things. But now, I see that I am moving on, and he is suffering. I no longer beg for his love - I am too busy working on my life (career, motherhood, fitness, friendships, family, etc.) to spend any more time pondering what is broken beyond repair....and I watch him sink deeper into the sofa cushions with his video games, eating Pringles, and looking very, very lonely. I have an extra bounce in my step as I stop putting my energy into trying to heal what was already dead...and he appears bereft without the energy that I put into "us."<br /><br />He was not ignorant that he was ignoring me and my needs - I spoke up in counseling, etc. But he was apathetic, and apathy is a marriage killer, and I do not regret walking away.<br /><br />What do women want from their husbands? Thank you for asking. I want kindness. I want interest. I want conversation. I want to take turns with a sick child in the middle of the night, and I want some help with the dishes. I want sex. I want to walk down to the beach near my house, to sit leaning on a log, and to kiss one another deeply as the sun sets. I want to talk about our dreams, and work hard to make them happen. I want to hear that I'm attractive to him. I want to laugh. I want to catch each other's eyes and smile - ahhh, it's you, and I'm so glad you're here. I want to hear "I believe in you."<br /><br />And yes, I want to give all of that, too.<br /><br />I'd rather be alone forever than forego that list within a romantic relationship. I know it can't be perfect every day, but if I can't get some of that some of the time, well, thank you but no thank you. Please, stay on the sofa at your own house. Soak in your own misery, but keep me out of it. As for me, I'm packing a picnic and heading to the beach for dinner. There's nobody there to kiss, but I can still ohhh and ahhh over the sunset, I can skip rocks with our daughter, and I can enjoy every single minute of it.<br /><br />And if there is a "next" husband? After that sunset, he'll take me home and rock my world. Don't worry, I'll rock his, too. I may have been ignored, but I haven't forgotten what it feels like to be held. It's not only men who want touch.PollyAnnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17505808535470419363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-459873339663141424.post-34446558167150064402011-04-20T13:17:56.519-07:002011-04-20T13:17:56.519-07:00i wonder the same things too ... when does the lov...i wonder the same things too ... when does the loving stop? and why?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07081558215651271966noreply@blogger.com