Thursday 5 May 2011

Sex: Facials are stupid

I picture you sitting there reading away, "Sex: Facials..." [you doing a spit take] "He's talking about what!?!" My last column got me thinking about some authors I had read recently, and I thought I would share these wonderful insights from the fairer sex.

Cindy Gallop is a New York entrepreneur, marketing expert, and self-professed cougar. In dating younger men, she has told the tale of meeting men whose behaviour was very much influenced by what they had seen in pornographic films. While admitting to enjoying the pleasures of cinematic sex (porn), she also realised that for some of these men, their entire sex education had come from porn. In a speech she gave at the 2009 TED conference, she admits having said to lovers, "Actually, no thank you very much. I'd much rather you did not cum on my face." She has created the web site Make Love Not Porn designed to educate people and discuss the differences between film and reality:

Porn World:
Men love coming on women's faces, and women love having men come n their faces.

Real World:
Some women like this, some women don't. Some guys like to do this, some guys don't. Entirely up to personal choice.

Betty Dodson is an author, sex educator, and pro-sex feminist. Over the years, she has been an advocate of female masturbation in order to educate women about their own bodies and sex. On her web site, in the article "Why Some Women Don't Like Sex", Ms. Dodson writes:

Our hot blonde encouraged a man to ejaculate on her beautifully made up face. She then acted as though his jism was some kind of sweet cream that she just couldn’t get enough of. From my experience, that’s just so much Bull Shit! The only time I found a man’s semen being rather sweet instead of acrid with a touch of ammonia was a vegetarian-pot smoking- twenty-something hippy. The men at this party were all meat eating drinkers. One scene showed our hot blonde who was a seasoned pro begging for a load. I winced when I saw one spurt land at the corner of her massacred eye with a gob spilling into her eyeball. I know from experience that semen stings, but she never showed any displeasure.

Michael Castleman is a San Francisco journalist who has written about sexuality since the mid-1970s for various magazines and web sites from Playboy to WebMD. (profile Psychology Today) In the introduction of his book Great Sex After 40, Mr. Castleman writes:

[Porn] completely misrepresents how women become sexually aroused and experience erotic fulfillment. Pornography is like the chase scenes in action movies--exciting and fun to watch, but definitely not the way to drive.

Sex Education
Ms. Dodson expands on the current state of sex education:

Just imagine all the young men who are getting their sex education from watching porn. That’s the big problem. They believe they are witnessing what women want but the truth is that porn is based upon men’s fantasies: All women need is a hard throbbing penis in order to come in just a few minutes with fast hard fucking. These young men also feel sexually inadequate comparing their genitals to men in porn who are chosen because they have big ones. Meanwhile our young boy has grown up masturbating in his bedroom while holding his breath to come fast so he won’t get caught. He captures his ejaculate in a tissue or one of his dirty socks while feelings of guilt instantly follow.

His counterpart is a young woman who has rarely or never masturbated. She’s not at all informed about sex. She has never been penetrated except maybe with a tampon and she believes she’ll know what an orgasm is when she finds the “right” man. Her Prince is a teen or twenty-something kid who has done fast masturbation in the bathroom or on his computer while looking at porn. First time sex with two uniformed youths is bound to be a failure. We cringe when we think of a woman who’s been sewn up after FGM. However, intact women also experience pain the first time unless they have had their vaginas opened gradually. She suffers while he’s embarrassed he came so fast and hurt her in the process. Both are humiliated and disappointed with the disastrous out-come of first time penetration sex— an unfortunate beginning.

Final Word
I think Michael Castleman summed it all up quite nicely: Pornography is like the chase scenes in action movies—exciting and fun to watch, but definitely not the way to drive. Heck, did I love the opening car chase in the James Bond film Quantum of Solace? Maybe once in a while I gun my car a bit, but I recognise I am not James Bond and I certainly am not Daniel Craig.

Nevertheless, I must come back to the fundamental question. How in heavens name did any man, or woman for that matter, reach the age of twenty without any sex education? What happened to the parents? What happened to the education system? Is every young person "expected" to learn this stuff on their own?

Everybody likes to go to the movies. Do you know that you are not James Bond? Do you know you can't drive like he does? Do you know you can't beat up 5 guys? And do you know that James doesn't do facials? Movies are great, but they are not reality. Mature people enjoy the car chase scene, but after the film, they drive home following the speed limit and respect every red light and stop sign. Then again, they didn't learn how to drive by watching a film.


Wikipedia: Facial (sex act)
A facial is a term for the sexual activity in which a man ejaculates semen onto the face of one or more sexual partners. A facial is a form of non-penetrative sex, though it is generally performed after some other means of sexual stimulation, such as anal sex, intercourse, masturbation, or oral sex. Facial cumshots are regularly depicted in Western and Japanese pornographic media, often as a way to close a scene.

my blog: Cindy Gallop: Make Love Not Porn
[Check out the speech Ms. Gallop gave at the 2009 TED conference]
Actually, no thank you very much. I'd much rather you did not cum on my face.

my blog: Sex Ed: Betty Dodson: educator, author, pro-sex feminist
Betty is now 82. She has been living with the same man now for 10 years, and that man, Eric Wilkinson, is 47 years her junior.

The Real Problem With Pornography: It's Bad For Sex by Michael Castleman
Those who use it as a guide to lovemaking are on a one-way trip to sex problems, relationship problems... pornography has become the single most influential sex educator in the country. - Jan 4/2011
Why Some Women Don't Like Sex by Betty Dodson
The other day I was watching a porn movie made by a woman so I figured it would be better than most. The plot begins with a couple acting out a cliché of a married couple who have very quick vanilla sex, got back into bed, roll over and go to sleep. I could identify with that one.


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1 comment:

A Political Junkie said...

Think Bill Clinton. Okay, stop now.