Friday 15 February 2013

Movie Review: A Good Day To Die Hard

Two words: don't bother. No, wait. "Don't" is a contraction. Does that count for one word or two words? Hmm, I use Microsoft Word to type up this merde and it's telling me "don't bother" is two words. So, let me use one word: whatever. I'm sure you are now wondering what this stream of consciousness about language has to do with a movie review. Maybe I'm just trying to avoid the subject.

What the F is the matter with me? I could gouge my eyes out. I buy a movie ticket on-line to leave work and immediately plop myself in front of an IMAX screen for a mind-blowing sensory overload then, yes then I check Rotten Tomatoes to find out much to my horror that the film gets a rating of 13%. 13%!?! Oh my God, you couldn't pay me to watch a 13% film. Hell, I wouldn't watch a 13% film if I was vacuuming my apartment and decided to turn on the TV to distract myself. Facepalm. $17.99 for 13%. If I bend over, may I ask you to give me a boot in the keister?

This film had a budget of $90 million and judging by the special effects, meaning big time explosions, car chases, and helicopter gunships, the money was well spent. Unfortunately, somebody forgot to pitch in a couple of shekels for a good story. I guess the basic ingredients are there but somehow the chef didn't mix them together correctly and undercooked the entree. Wha da ya got? Empty calories. Bruce kind of walked through this one and picked up a paycheque.

13%? Facepalm again. I so wanted to see "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" based on the trailer but when I found out its rating was 15% I took a pass. I hate arriving at the end credits of a film thinking, "I want two hours of my life back."

But I paid for the ticket before consulting Rotten Tomatoes and reading the reviews. What was I thinking? Oh well. My mission now is to inform anybody and everybody to avoid this film like the plague. Okay, let's avoid it like a nasty bout of the flu. It won't kill you but you'll be telling yourself to not repeat that experience any time soon.

Our hero John McClane goes to Russia and once again trouble finds him. Bet ya didn't see that one coming. Yippee ki-yay Mother Russia as the movie poster says. Bad guys, badder guys, and a bit of a plot twist involving a bad woman plus $90 million of crash bang boom. How can it miss? Anybody remember the 2011 film Green Lantern? A budget of $200 million dollars with the result of 26%. Yes it can miss and sometimes it can miss big time.

Final Word
One good thing about the film? It had a running time of 92 minutes. Let's not prolong the pain.

I like Bruce Willis. I like the Die Hard series. From what I see, there is another film in the works but I hope that the collective genius of writer and director can come up with a better offering. After all, Bond has had its ups and downs but the latest installment Skyfall wasn't just a commercial success but a critical success with a rating of 92% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's the sort of thing the Die Hard franchise needs. I am sure somebody can come up with a good tale and when I say somebody, I am referring to the writer. Without a good story, a film sucks and ofttimes sucks royally. Our hero John McClane still has some life in him if only the right person with a good imagination can breathe that life back into the character. I'll be the first to yell, "Yippee ki-yay..." Okay, I'll stop here.


Rotten Tomatoes: A Good Day To Die Hard: 13%
A Good Day to Die Hard is the weakest entry in a storied franchise, and not even Bruce Willis' smirking demeanor can enliven a cliched, uninspired script.

Wikipedia: A Good Day To Die Hard
A Good Day to Die Hard is a 2013 American action film directed by John Moore and written by Skip Woods. It is the fifth installment in the Die Hard film series. Bruce Willis reprises the lead role of John McClane, who travels to Russia to help his estranged son, Jack (Jai Courtney), out of prison, but is soon caught in the crossfire of a terrorist plot.

official web site: A Good Day To Die Hard

Wikipedia: Die Hard (franchise)
The Die Hard series is a series of action films beginning with Die Hard in 1988, which was based on the 1979 bestselling novel, Nothing Lasts Forever by Roderick Thorp. All five films are centered around the character of John McClane (portrayed by Bruce Willis), a New York City police detective who finds himself fighting a group of terrorists in each episode. There are also several video games based on the films, as well as a comic book series released in August 2009.

Die Hard (1988)
Rotten Tomatoes: 94%
Budget: $28 million
Box Office: $141 million

Die Hard 2 (1990)
Rotten Tomatoes: 67%
Budget: $70 million
Box Office: $240 million

Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995)
Rotten Tomatoes: 52%
Budget: $90 million
Box Office: $366 million

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
Rotten Tomatoes: 81%
Budget: $110 million
Box Office: $384 million


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