Sunday 26 May 2013

Movie Review: Fast & Furious 6

Abominable, abysmal, amiss, atrocious, awful, bad news, beastly, blah, bottom out, bummer, careless, cheap, cheesy, crappy, cruddy, crummy, defective, deficient, deplorable, diddly, dissatisfactory, downer, dreadful, erroneous, fallacious, faulty, garbage, godawful, grody, gross, grungy, icky, imperfect, inadequate, incorrect, inferior, junky, lame, lousy, not good, off, paltry, poor, raunchy, rough, sad, slipshod, stinking, subpar, substandard, synthetic, the pits, unacceptable, unsatisfactory, wanting, wretched, wrong, sucky, terrible, unspeakable, defective, faulty, flawed, egregious, flagrant, gross, bum, cheesy, coarse, common, crappy, cut-rate, junky, lesser, low-grade, low-rent, mediocre, miserable, reprehensible, rotten, rubbishy, second-rate, shoddy, sleazy, trashy, abominable, odious, vile, useless, valueless, worthless, insufficient, lacking, meagre, mean, miserly, scanty, shabby, short, skimp, skimpy, spare, stingy, miscreant, scurrilous, villainous, counterfeit, fake, phony, sham.

Years ago, I walked out of the second film of the series, 2 Fast 2 Furious, after thirty minutes. It was just about the dumbest thing I had ever seen. Obviously, I haven't learned my lesson, so how dumb does that make me?

I wasn't expecting Christopher Nolan, but I had been given to understand the action sequences were good. Good? I need a four letter word for ludicrous. Maybe if I'm fifteen years old with no life experiences, I might find these over-the-top testosterone fueled physically impossible car chases entertaining. But while fiction is arguably "not real" in air quotes, I like my fiction to have a degree of plausibility. If it's not plausible, it's not believable. If it's not believable, I can't buy into the premise. And if I can't buy into the premise, the entire film is just plain stupid.

By the numbers
Here's a run-down of the franchise and while I shake my head at the ratings from Rotten Tomatoes, these movies do turn a profit. Obviously I am in the minority when it comes to not liking these films.

The Fast and the Furious (2001)
Budget: $38 million
Gross: $207 million (worldwide)
Rotten Tomatoes: 52%

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
Budget: $76 million
Gross: $236 million (worldwide)
Rotten Tomatoes: 36%

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
Budget: $85 million
Gross: $158 million (worldwide)
Rotten Tomatoes: 35%

Fast & Furious (2009)
Budget: $85 million
Gross: $363 million (worldwide)
Rotten Tomatoes: 27%

Fast Five (2011)
Budget: $125 million
Gross: $626 million (worldwide)
Rotten Tomatoes: 78%

Fast & Furious 6 (2013)
Budget: $160 million
Gross: $275 million (worldwide) (as of May 26, 2013)
Rotten Tomatoes: 72%

Final Word
Why did I go see this movie? Because I am stupid, idiotic, dumb, dopey, foolish, boneheaded, thick, doltish, dull, dim, obtuse, slow, unthinking, nitwitted, and unintelligent. Like the second film of the series, it crossed my mind that I should walk out but I had slapped down my credit card and was determined to grit my teeth and see it through to the bitter end. And, at the bitter end, we got a tidbit of the next film in the series, Fast & Furious 7, by showing a scene with Jason Stratham who, I'm guessing, is going to be the next baddie. Enjoy if you will. I'm planning on being busy that day shampooing my hair.


Rotten Tomatoes: Fast & Furious 6: 78%
With high-octane humor and terrific action scenes, Fast & Furious 6 builds upon the winning blockbuster formula that made Fast 5 a critical and commercial success.

Wikipedia: Fast & Furious 6
Fast & Furious 6 (alternatively known as Fast Six or Furious Six) is a 2013 action film written by Chris Morgan and directed by Justin Lin. It is the sixth installment in the Fast and the Furious film series.

Wikipedia: The Fast and the Furious (series)
The Fast and the Furious is a series of action films which centers on illegal street racing and heists. Produced by Universal Studios, the series was established in 2001 with the eponymous first installment, which has since been followed by five sequels, and two short films that tie into the series.

my blog: Fast Five
I'm surprised. Number five was the first film of the series which hit the mark by getting a decent rating from Rotten Tomatoes. In re-reading my review, I seemed to have found it not bad. Not great, but not bad. Unfortunately, number six didn't hit the mark with me.


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