Tuesday 21 January 2014

Divorce: Ya gotta laugh (it beats sobbing uncontrollably)

Ah yes, divorce: the gift that keeps on giving. You may be screaming in pain, but at some moment or another, you have to stop and laugh. It is all quite absurd. When you think about it, at one point in time you were absolutely starry eyed of the future with this one person, and now you can't stand their guts. Quite odd, eh? How do we go from one end of the spectrum all the way to the other end? How does what was once so good become so bad? Another one of those great mysteries of life. When it's good; it's good. And when it's bad, well, you don't want to know.

"Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-Robin Williams

"The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
-Johnny Carson

"The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers."
-Woody Allen

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while."
-James Caan

"I'd marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead in a year."
-Bette Davis

"She cried -and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook."
-Tommy Manville

"I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended."
-Lenny Clarke

"I look a divorce this way: it's better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life."
-Steve McGrew

"Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce."
-Larry Gelbart

"Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out."
-Rich Vos

"Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler."
-Dave Mordal

"What happened? Satan was busy?"
-Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.

"I can't take his genius any more."
-Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles

Some other bits of amusement:

my blog: Funny quotes about marriage (and divorce)

my blog: The Geography of a Woman

my blog: Relationships: Will we ever get it right?

my blog: Divorce: Why I'm Better Off Dead


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