Monday 6 December 2010

Sex: What Do Men Want

Is it just a tad pretentious to pretend to be speaking for all men? Of course, considering the equipment bestowed upon me by the Almighty, I am presuming to have at least some insights into the workings of the male mind and hence, the male libido. If I can now be so bold, I will endeavour to impart to what I am supposing to be a female audience some inside secrets about what makes us boys tick.

Men don't believe women like sex
In my blog Sex: I'm a man and you're a... I discuss The Hite Report on Male Sexuality released in 1981. Shere Hite made note of a recurring theme in the survey answers from men: men were convinced that women do not like sex.

What? But the more I thought about it, the more that made sense. We men are told to get out there and chase women. We discover that women hold back, are particular, are careful in the selection of a mate, only want to "do it" after marriage, etc. Gee, why wouldn't we get the idea women don't like sex?

I've heard researchers try to explain all this by describing the primordial difference between the sexes: men are wired to spread their seed; women are wired to bear and raise children. This translates into men running around looking for places to deposit their seed and women trying to set up a successful environment for children. Is it any wonder that men are from Mars and women are from Venus?

Further proof?

The Kinsey Institute: FAQ: Fantasy
An article by Zurbriggen, EL & Yost, MR (2004) called "Power, desire, and pleasure in sexual fantasies" published in the Journal of Sex Research, 41(3), pp. 288-300 stated the following about male versus female fantasies:

In one study, men's fantasies mentioned a partner's sexual desire and pleasure more frequently than did women's fantasies.

Think about that. Men fantasize about women enjoying sex.

Men are attracted to sex
Actually I should say that men are attracted to whom they perceive as being a sexually active woman. We want sex. If we look across a room full of people, why would take a second look at any women we perceive as not potentially giving us sex? It's a waste of time.

However how does that translate into the long term such as a relationship?

Dr. Phil's "Man-ual": Men Are Hunters.
O, The Oprah Magazine  |  June 15, 2003
As a result of the substantial differences between men and women when it comes to sex—differences that are psychosocial, biochemical and neurological—trying to get a man to function according to female standards is like trying to get a pig to fly. It's just not going to happen.

Men have less of certain hormones and more of others than women do, and that fuels us to respond in different ways. For most women, sex is primarily an emotional thing; for most men, it's primarily physical.

Men are visually stimulated, which means if they are in a target-rich environment, they may well become aroused.
Understanding that men fear rejection and therefore thrive on acceptance and are easily visually stimulated, you can program out a considerable risk of unfaithfulness by investing energy in what may seem superficial: your appearance and the level of sexual activity in your relationship. Please don't write to me objecting! I'm not saying this is fair, only that it is effective.

Women could control the world
Over the years I have been surprised at how little most women seem to know about what attracts men and therefore how to hold them and control them. We are simple, maybe a little stupid and are motivated more by our hormones than we would care to admit.

How To Keep Your Husband Sexually Satisfied, Happy and in Love With You!
Visual Satisfaction! Every man loves to look at woman in sexy clothes, whether it is hot lingerie, or a tight miniskirt or slinky dress. When it is just the two of you, why not go all out and tease you husband with something that shows off your curves!

Vocal Satisfaction! Talking your husband up, as being your knight in shining armor, and hinting to him about what you would like to do with him, or what you would like him to do with you, is nicely arousing. And just in general conversation, if you can add in some flirtatious comments it will also go along way…

Whore in bed, lady in public
It's an old saying but true. Contrast can be a wonderful thing: refined, elegant, sophisticated, a real lady then a whore, a slut, a sexual animal. Yes, it may sometimes be so obvious, yes it may sometimes be over the top but just think of how... well, dumb we are. Actually, remember The Hite Report. Whether we admit it or not, whether we are even consciously aware of it or not, we think that women don't want to have sex. That means women have to be a tad more obvious.

Final Word
Are we stupid, shallow, just simpletons? Maybe, but we do look for obvious signals and if we get them, we will be happy campers.


my blog: Sex: What men want. Okay, what I want. - Jul 22/2012
Why am I writing this? A fellow blogger, a female blogger, was thinking of writing some postings about relationships and sex and asked me to respond to the question: "Where do men like to be touched?" I thought about it for quite a while, hesitating to speak my mind out of fear of delving into things which could provide more titillation for potential readers than ideas for legitimate discussion. Finally, I decided to respond with the following.


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